As I promised, I'm going to write about Matty's last night. It actually turned out to be quite a good party, nobody going over the top or anything, no massive mess in the morning, everyone had a good time, no random militant guys tried to crash it. Oh, wait...
I'm only going to include stuff which I haven't been begged by someone not to ever tell people about, so it might seem a bit brief. Think I'll do this person by person rather than with a timeline, it's easier and I can't remember the exact sequence of events.
Well, at first when people started arriving it seemed fine, all was good, but then after about an hour, the brilliant and wise Jack Stuart got so drunk we had to drag him upstairs to Matty's sister's room, where he spent the night vomiting and trembling, which we assumed wasn't a good thing. At like 4 I got a text from his mum asking where the fuck Jack was, and apparently she didn't sleep at all last night, so I assume he's fucked. He woke up at like 6 and went home, with a phone full of missed calls and frantic texts, and lacking a sock. At least he didn't do any whaling.
Actually, you know what, shoulda started with me. Well I got there early because my internet was down at home, and had a lovely chat with his sister, in which, despite Matty and my best efforts to censor me, drugs, paedophilia and threesomes came up. When people came, as I said, it was mellow, I had a few of my massively shit self-rolled fags, mostly to stay outside away from the people I hated. Alas, my plan failed, as they soon followed me out, but I bore through it mostly. Later I went to get Lucy from KFC, where I met a rabid Wolff. After getting back we mostly stayed upstairs, chilling with caterpillar cake. We heard the doorbell go, and me and, I think Laura, went to answer it, upon which some guy we don't know tries to get in. I grab his arm and ask him to leave, then he does the same and starts getting militant. Now, I was holding caterpillar cake and some beer, so I didn't particularly feel violent, for once, so I basically just kept on asking him to leave, even offering him caterpillar cake, albeit belittlingly (couldn't resist myself, I'm not a total pacifist). Anyway, one of his mates comes and tries to get him to leave a well, and after a couple of minutes, they dragged him out. After that, not much happened again for a while (which I'm allowed to speak of), mostly just making jokes with Lucy while Calyx got angry at us. There was a bit of fun with Jack, but that might have been before the guy trying to come in. Anyway, much later, the guys tried to come in again, but this time Joe answered the door, and when I came they were squaring off with each other, so I resignedly sighed, shared an eye-roll with my counterpart in their group, and started to break things up, which basically worked, except when we shut the door he did bang on it like he thought it was Keira Knightley. Anyway, a bit after this, downstairs, I was sitting with Calyx, and I was suddenly struck by how fucking hilarious the whole night was, and I started laughing. A couple of hours later, I stopped. You never really think about it, but laughing works your whole upper body out, including your face, arms and neck, so right after I stopped I became incredibly tired and in pain. After that not much happened with me, I declined the offer of making food at 3 am and instead chose to go to sleep, which mostly consisted of lying on a bed in pain. In the morning, not much happened, we just cleaned up a bit and left.
Fuck it, here's just a list of other stupid shit which happened:
-Batu arrived with these two, for lack of a better term/any elegance, ugly dog-women, and started getting off with one for ages;
-Flaxy got head from, what is now forever in my mind known as, the sperm whale outside on a bench;
-Not sure I'm allowed to mention this, but Joe and Laura got a bit "friendly";
-Amber took about 10 minutes to try and figure out how to use a camera, which took Jack (not yet paralytic and having a seizure) about half a second to work;
-I have a feeling Hannah and Dan did something (not together, I mean something stupid and funny, not dirty and v. wrong);
-A Christian was thrown to a Wolff, very Nero-esque, but slightly more French (wow, I'm so sublte. I could write the lovelines in the Broadsheet).
Anyway yeah, that's a brief summary of all I can be really bothered to remember about yesterday. There were way too many people I hate though, including Penny, King-size Penny, Aryan, and more!
I'm only going to include stuff which I haven't been begged by someone not to ever tell people about, so it might seem a bit brief. Think I'll do this person by person rather than with a timeline, it's easier and I can't remember the exact sequence of events.
Well, at first when people started arriving it seemed fine, all was good, but then after about an hour, the brilliant and wise Jack Stuart got so drunk we had to drag him upstairs to Matty's sister's room, where he spent the night vomiting and trembling, which we assumed wasn't a good thing. At like 4 I got a text from his mum asking where the fuck Jack was, and apparently she didn't sleep at all last night, so I assume he's fucked. He woke up at like 6 and went home, with a phone full of missed calls and frantic texts, and lacking a sock. At least he didn't do any whaling.
Actually, you know what, shoulda started with me. Well I got there early because my internet was down at home, and had a lovely chat with his sister, in which, despite Matty and my best efforts to censor me, drugs, paedophilia and threesomes came up. When people came, as I said, it was mellow, I had a few of my massively shit self-rolled fags, mostly to stay outside away from the people I hated. Alas, my plan failed, as they soon followed me out, but I bore through it mostly. Later I went to get Lucy from KFC, where I met a rabid Wolff. After getting back we mostly stayed upstairs, chilling with caterpillar cake. We heard the doorbell go, and me and, I think Laura, went to answer it, upon which some guy we don't know tries to get in. I grab his arm and ask him to leave, then he does the same and starts getting militant. Now, I was holding caterpillar cake and some beer, so I didn't particularly feel violent, for once, so I basically just kept on asking him to leave, even offering him caterpillar cake, albeit belittlingly (couldn't resist myself, I'm not a total pacifist). Anyway, one of his mates comes and tries to get him to leave a well, and after a couple of minutes, they dragged him out. After that, not much happened again for a while (which I'm allowed to speak of), mostly just making jokes with Lucy while Calyx got angry at us. There was a bit of fun with Jack, but that might have been before the guy trying to come in. Anyway, much later, the guys tried to come in again, but this time Joe answered the door, and when I came they were squaring off with each other, so I resignedly sighed, shared an eye-roll with my counterpart in their group, and started to break things up, which basically worked, except when we shut the door he did bang on it like he thought it was Keira Knightley. Anyway, a bit after this, downstairs, I was sitting with Calyx, and I was suddenly struck by how fucking hilarious the whole night was, and I started laughing. A couple of hours later, I stopped. You never really think about it, but laughing works your whole upper body out, including your face, arms and neck, so right after I stopped I became incredibly tired and in pain. After that not much happened with me, I declined the offer of making food at 3 am and instead chose to go to sleep, which mostly consisted of lying on a bed in pain. In the morning, not much happened, we just cleaned up a bit and left.
Fuck it, here's just a list of other stupid shit which happened:
-Batu arrived with these two, for lack of a better term/any elegance, ugly dog-women, and started getting off with one for ages;
-Flaxy got head from, what is now forever in my mind known as, the sperm whale outside on a bench;
-Not sure I'm allowed to mention this, but Joe and Laura got a bit "friendly";
-Amber took about 10 minutes to try and figure out how to use a camera, which took Jack (not yet paralytic and having a seizure) about half a second to work;
-I have a feeling Hannah and Dan did something (not together, I mean something stupid and funny, not dirty and v. wrong);
-A Christian was thrown to a Wolff, very Nero-esque, but slightly more French (wow, I'm so sublte. I could write the lovelines in the Broadsheet).
Anyway yeah, that's a brief summary of all I can be really bothered to remember about yesterday. There were way too many people I hate though, including Penny, King-size Penny, Aryan, and more!
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