SUCCESS! (partially)

That's right, my letter to Glenda Jackson has received recognition! Admittedly not from her yet, but from her office. Something about Parliament anyway. Well, here's the reply:

Dear Mr Shapiro,

Thank you for contacting Glenda Jackson. Unfortunately, we do not have a record of your postal address. We request this for two reasons. Firstly, to confirm that you are indeed Glenda's constituent as Parliamentary protocol prevents us acting on behalf of a non-constituent. Secondly, when we contact another agency or Department with an enquiry, they usually respond in writing and we would like to pass their response on to you.

Given that your email indicated a high level of personal distress, I suggest you contact http://www.britmycolsoc.org.uk/Who may be able to give you mushroom related advice.

Best Wishes,

Mrs Rebecca HenneyParliamentary Assistant to Glenda Jackson MP
T: 020 7219 4008
M: 07507 864 873
F: 020 7219 2112

Good, eh? However, as you may have noticed if you clicked on her link, it led to a website about real mushrooms, which, as we all know, are infinitely less cool. Here's my reply, it's short and boring, but I'm hoping it'll get the job done.

I live in [CENSORED, I LIVE HERE, DON'T YOU INTERNET RAPISTS BE FOLLOWING ME. THAT'S RIGHT, I'M LOOKING AT YOU] . And I'd like to clarify that the mushroom in question whose disappearance I am outraged at was in fact a plastic mushroom, not a biological one. Thank you very much for your time.Chris Shapiro

So we now just play the waiting game... again...

Also note that I tried to be polite and not go way over the top, because I want my suggestion taken seriously. Just because it's jokes.